Why am I watching Dancing With the Stars?

Ok, I know how many of you zany people thrive on this show, but, i have to ask you , WHY? They are are bunch of chicks with boobs that just dont want to stay put, as I saw on the last dance where she was stuffing her left nipple then her right into place and the guy she was dancing with kept grinning , smiling and not checking out her posture….. they split their legs so far, there must be a OBGYN off stage to superglue a few spots back together.

I dont remember Lucy or Ethel ever dressing so risky….or even doing slutty things…. for Gods sake, they married couples even slept in separate beds, they got pregnant like our parents did. We don’t know , but they kissed and then next thing you know, baby on board!

There are a lot of good shows that aren’t afraid to tell it how it is. Have you seen Two and a Half Men? Now who can’t relate to that? I just watched the one tonite where Charlie and Alan had to go to a party and pretend to be gay”Okie Dokie Artichokie” BAH HA HA now that is funny stuff.

I dream of being a Sloth on Dancing with the stars and Canadian-American Idol. Lets see, Paula, Norah , Sandy and I could be clothed in nothing but moss and sunglasses and tied upside down by our feet and arms to a large plant. With two tiny dwarfs riding goats bringing us on stage. Lets see, we could sing, “It is Saturday night & we are the Sloths and everything is alright-groovy-copasetic- and titillating”…… Then they could torch up the pole and the judges would be grooving… while we made our way off stage riding the goats while the pygmies danced and boogie woogied around us…. we may not win, but we would be remembered…

Well, im off to watch LOST, now thats TV. People living in dual worlds and a guy who can turn into a big thing of smoke and wipe out everyone… I Shall continue with more on this later.

I’m back at the blog

HELLO, MY FRIENDLY SLOTH FOLLOWERS, Sorry I”ve  been checked out for such an extended period of time, but time has not been on my side ( as Mick Jagger would say! ) Lets see, Im sure I mentioned I have or had cancer of my throat so they had to remove my voice box and do a larengetomy. I went through 6 weeks of chemo and radiation which went as well as you could expect. The hardest thing for me is not ever being able to talk…..

After I finished the first initial treatment they waited for about 6 weeks and did what they call a PET scan of my whole body which shows if there is any remaining cancer. Unfortunately,  things got worse. The tumors in my throat were clear  from cancer by it spread and metasized to my lungs. Last spring, my doctor here in Spartanburg told me I had from 3 to 12 months to live . Well, I wasn’t ready to give up the fight and basically told him ” I dont think so.” I was determined to find another solution or another form of treatment. I looked up doctors all over the country. It turns out a hospital in Houston called MD Anderson is well known throughout the world for their cancer treatment. I head great things about the facility so my husband got me an appointment to meet with their doctors. I started making monthly trips to Houston, TX for treatment. MD Anderson hospital is like a city. Its great because you can make all your appointments at the facility in a single day. At a normal hospital, 6 appointments would would span over a period of a month. But in Houston, I could accomplish it all in a single day. They got me started on a new type of chemo program immediately. They actually tried something different on me. When I went back for my  second checkup my tumors had shrunk considerably and hadn’t spread at all. I was having no sickness, just tiredness, and I lost all my hair. Now , there is alot to say about being a baldie, you really dont spend much time at all looking somewhat good. Its fun to stick your head under a sink a pretend your a dog and shake it….. at first I wore hats cause it was winter and a little chilly but now, screw it,  I walk around without any thing on my head unless i feel like it,( and thats ususally a baseball hat ) so if any one has an xtra baseball hat I would gladly accept it…

I’ve learned alot of things about myself and others not speaking and relying on so many other peoples help. For instance , Im one of those people who whould blab something before thinking. Well, I cant do that now but my damn mind is working overtime. I have full conversations with myself. Somebody will say something and everyone is chuckling and saying ” Oh yes, you witty, witty person, why couldn”t I have seen it that…?” And Im thinking because you fat blabbermouth  dosnt listen to anything or anyone but yourself and by the way your left nipple is about to make an appearance… “then funerals,  I was coughing up some flem and everyone thought I was breaking down over the body of the decceased whom I didnt really know and they came to console me , but I had snot stuck in my throat….

My daughter and I went to Publix, my favorite grocery store,  and within two minutes of walking in the whole phamacy greeted me , waving, waiting to see how much morphine, lexapro and other candy from their side of the store I came to pick up. Then we ran into the lady who gives out samples. Well, bless her heart, she has been praying for me and asking about me through my whole ordeal, she really is a doll. Well, my daughter was with me and told her all my cancer was gone except for two tiny spots that were not even active. cancer cells. This is true and is truly a miracle! Even my doctors and all the nurses at MD Anderson did not expect this! I was hoping the cancer  would stop growing but never thought this was a possibility… so I AM blessed! Apon hearing the news, she screamed, broke down in tears, and started hugging us. Which was rather painful on the broken arm but that was quite alright!  And then she grabbed another random customer and told her the news. This complete stranger started crying until her husband dragged her away from us. When we made our way to isle 7 we met a lady I hadn’t seen in years and my daughter told her the good news and we had another breakdown ordeal. It was nice to see so many people care about my well-being!

I am very thankful for all my friends and my family’s support. Everybody I know and dont know have offered their support and prayers and it has made the world of difference in my attitude and just realizing how many people are so kind and caring. I truly believe this is a miracle that has been brought on my everyones love, thoughts, and prayers and I would like to thank you all….

My life hasn’t been that radically different. I still pretened I am normal. When I yell and scream at people, obviously nobody responds, so I just resort to juvenile things. Like stomping my feet , jumping up and down, and banging on walls, sometimes they still ignore me… When my dogs run away from me, its not unusual to see me in my housecoat chasing them down the street, clapping my hands and throwing sticks at them. Usually the little buggers just keep on going until a neighbout grabs one and I regain some control.

Eating out is impossible cause I cant eat much but soft foods. Im getting used to it. I got down to 100 pounds and I was watching Schlinders List one day and I realized that in the scene where they were making everyone run naked into the death showers. that I actually looked fatter that the actors, that was a very depressing day for me…

I’ve gained weight but I dont think the doctor would like my diet . It is mainley Key Lime Pie , Ice Cream, Hot Fudge Sundaes, Ensure,( this is good for me ) chocolate, puddding, soap and once I blended up some shrimp and rice…

My friends are going to take me out on a trip this summer. I dont know what we can do. I cant swim, but I supposse hot tubs are in. Actually,,just being with good friends and being alive are the best things I could ask for in the world . I will try to keep up my Sloth blogging. I will be working on my pottery again after my arm heals. I think i will make some very contriversial pieces this year…. like a head , without an eye or lip.

In the meantime, here are some photos Jaime took of my garden:

forgive me, for I do checkout the ” reading material ” in the grocery line….

Yes,I am of those hypocrates who bash the tabloids, give me a sleezy headline, and if the lines not moving,well, I can fit in alot of crap in my head in a very short period of time. Also, as I am writing this I have Oprah on in the background, ( I know, I just went off on her weight whining ) but today she is patting the back of some of the people we ( the dummies, who go and spend a ridiculous amount of money to go to the theatre, or people like me who wait until I can see it for free. ) can’t seem to get enough of. Whether its what they are or arn’t wearing on the ” RED CARPET ‘ or which party they attended afterwards… I mean they just had the Golden Globes ( I THINK ) a couple days ago. First they bore everyone sick with the nominations this is where the ass kissing and back patting really gets started. Oh, and this is the beginning of the endless supply of award ceremonies which we will be sujected to for months to come…… I dont know if its just me, but when I hear the names of the nominations I swear, I havn’t even heard of most of them much less have seen the movie ………. The only ones I seem to know about are the ones the studio either thinks could be a bomb, even though they have paid stupid amounts of money to ” well known” actors, who couldn’t save it for any amount of cash…    These are the movies that they have commercials of and trailers of weeks before it comes out, and they have shown all the clips of the only parts of the show that are even worth watching, so when you do see it, you say, ” well all the clips looked good, what the hell happened…. they are also confusing me, ( I realize this isn’t difficult to do ” ) by having the same people act together in different films. Seriously, how many times has ( whats her name… ) you know, the chick in the Titantic with Leonardo Di’Capprio… has played with him in different movies, I know it’s more than a couple. I still remember little Leo in the sitcom ” Growing Pains ” Ha, dosnt that remind you of other ” child ” stars, Little Ronnie Howard in Mayberry, and John Travolta in “Welcome Back  Kotter,” then there was George Clooney in the one where all the girls lived in a boarding house with the heavyset lady and he was the neighbour who had a store next door, does anyone remember the name of this ? What was the cute Spanish guy ( Mario something, he was trecently on Dancing with the Stars ) on ” Saved by the Bell ” I used to watch Kelly Rippa on my soap, ” All my Children ” the list is long , bet they didn’t know they’d be rolling in it in a few years…  It seems as if Kate Hudson isnt with Owen ( what’s his name ) shes with Ben Stiller or Matthew Mc Connehy or if they cant get Kate they will go for Jennifer Aniston. Brad Pitt is getting really old and so is his sucker lipped wife, oh, are they married hard to keep track,

 

Back to the subject, or was there one ? I just think we see the same people over and over and over for years and years. I mean Meryl Streep has been around so long, I think the kid that played her son in Kramer vs. Kramer might even have an AARP card…. You can never tell how old the stars are, I think some, like Joan Rivers probably dosn’t know herself…  I’m surprised the public dosn’t want some new faces, they have recycled everyone way too much. Now the young ones are getting married, which is another ocassiong for all the tabloids and gossip shows to have a heyday with, and then they have kids, some before marriage ,some in between, and some after…. they we get to guess what ridiculous name they will give the poor little sucker. I think they are all trying to outdo each other. So far there’s Apple, she’s Gwyneth Paltrows kid, The Beckhams have Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz, Jamie Oliver ( The Naked Chef ) has Daisy Boo and Poo Honey ( these are REALLY bad… ) then theres Demi Moore and Bruce Willis withRumer, Scout and Tallulah Belle, Sunday Rose  for Nicole Kidman and I believe the first weirdo names came from good Ol” Frank Zappa, with Moon Unit and Dweezil…..  I think this gives us enough insite to know someone probably took something to ease the pain during childbirth, and I mean BOTH parents ( and probably before birth… ) Now, after seeing this you surely cant blame your parents for your name, if it tops these let me know…. I told my girls if and when they have a baby and it’s a boy that Surr would be a good name. He would always get respect. If  a teacher wanted him she would say ” Surr, please come up to the front of the class, you are brilliant Surr….” see what I mean? They both said NO….

Well, I’m going to channel surf to watch some of my old and new favorites, ( I Love Lucy, Gilligans Island, MASH, ) you get the drift, let me know if you find a good show…

we have become slaves to cell phones

Yes, you heard me right, we are living in a world of cell phone chaos !!!  Things have gotten out of hand and we need RULES…  all around us there are abuses happening every day. It seems like anywhere I am the sound of The William Tell Overture or the theme song from I Dream of Jeannie blasts out at me from, sometimes the strangest places, funerals, ladies rooms, my OB GYN’s office, my shrinks, my kids make up bag, the list goes on and on….. what drives otherwise fairly normal people to program their cell phones with the stupidest rings… I mean grown men playing the theme songs from Star Wars and BatMan and the women Kokomo and Keep Your Hands to Yourself…. whatever was wrong with the plain old ring? Then there are those, and in my house they know who they are, who have decided that instead of letting there phone have four or five normal rings before their voice mail picks up they have chosen a song, usually one that I cant stand play for what seems like eternity and then their voice comes on. Why, why, why, we all have enough unwanted stressful things that we have to put up with in our lives, cant we just have a break in this one area. I can only imagine if I programed something like ” The Wheels on the Bus go round and round,” (for anyone that doesn’t recognise this, its what every 3 to 5 year old sings what seems like all the time… ) that would, well, that would probably put an end to them calling me….

I remember the days when I was a teenager and there were no cell phones, for that matter in most houses there was usually only one or two house phones ( I like the way they call them Land Lines now, sounds sort of like something they use in the military,) anyway if our friends did call us we were lucky to get 10 minutes before my father would yell ” haven’t you been on the phone long enough, ( this, by the way was not a question ) say goodbye, somebody important might be trying to get through, besides you saw her (him) all day, didn’t you have enough time to gab ? So I’d hang up and 2 minutes later it would ring again and we would go through the previously mentioned procedure, until we and our friends gave up. Now, not having cell phones also made my life, and I’m sure many others quite  a bit more fun, and shall we say challenging to come up with some of the most unbelievable stories we could come up with. Put  it this way once we’re out of sight there was not usually an easy way to find us, which did leave lots of room for opportunity. See, now it just annoying, you say you are going to the store to get a few things, before you are barely out of the driveway the damn phone starts ringing, ( and if you are as safety minded as Iyou pull over ) so upon answering  the very important question of ” did you see my tennis shoes anywhere ? I need them right now..” Yep, first crisis over with. Then, as I walk around the grocery store I notice every other woman ( or so it seems ) Is talking while shopping, I kinda think alot of these people are just pretending to talk so everyone thinks they are so indispensable. I know this because I have pretended on occasion to talk on mine when I spot someone I don’t want to talk to, God, I don’t go there to socialize, I mean I am wearing dark glasses, a baseball hat , and old sweats and that should give people the idea that you don’t want to be seen…

Have you ever been in a bathroom stall when the person next to you is yakking on their phone. One time I thought the lady was talking to me so I started chatting back to her when I noticed she was not responding to me at all, then when I shut up she continued…. I felt like passing alot of gas at that very moment, wonder how she,d explain that to her “friend” Then, there was the time, only once , where I was on the phone at home and I just couldn’t wait, plus it was long distance, so I figured as long as I kept things relatively quiet it would be my little secret. This would have worked until I got distracted and flushed….

Now, people say it isn’t rude if you are talking say on a bus and everyone around you can hear every word you are saying, because, according to them, if you were talking to someone standing nest to you it is just the same. I disagree, when you are having a conversation with someone else in the same area as me I can eavesdrop on every word if I choose to, while, if you are talking on a cell phone I only get one side of the conversation which is not fair, I don’t even get a chance to ask questions….

I think more people should be like me who doesn’t need outside conversation- I just have internal conversations with myself…..

I especially think it’s a good idea to turn them off in church, your calling from the Lord wont be from Sprint.

I mean do I or you want to be connected to the world 24/7/365 ? The more you make yourself available the more available everyone will expect you to be. Lets think of our cell phones as a tool used mainly for emergencies. Like when you get a call from your daughters lawyer to announce the jury is returning. Gotta go,  I hear a text message….

Is anyone but me sick of Oprah whining about fat ???

OK , possibly its just me, but I seriously doubt it, is ANYONE out there sick and tired of hearing Oprah Winfrey still whining about her weight. God, she’s been talking about that every year since she got her own show. Does anyone remember the gross show where she pulled out a wagon full of chicken fat wearing some very , very tight blue jeans and announced proudly to anyone that was listening that this right before your very eyes was , yes, the exact amount of BLUBBER that was previously wobbling around on her body. Now I dont know about anyone else but I think she was underestimating it, they forgot to take in her “fro ” and her large earrings…. but on with her weight,  every year she drags on a doctor to tell the rest of us poor idiots how to better our lives by living like Oprah, but most of the people I know dont yo yo 40 pounds up and down every other year. She has trainers, cooks, gurus,psychics, farmers,poor chillins,some white people and even a couple asians telling her what to do and she still ends up FAT !!! But, I must say this year she has topped herself. She started before the New Year with a 30 second Oprah-merrcial about how she is sooooo ashamed of herself for letting HERSELF down then she shows everyone before and after pics , sans blubber and blubberlicious. Then she tells us ( morons ) not to worry, because she is READY to pull herself together (again ) and let us in on it for the whole next week on her show …..

YIPPEEE, SET ASIDE THE WEEK !!!!!!!!!!!!!

The way I see it Oprah is ………….. GO HAVE YOUR PITY PARTY BY YOURSELF !!!

YOUR’E A BILLIONAIRE FOR GODS SAKE !!!! Do you really think that we unemployed, or half broke, getting divorced, homeless, toothless, one paycheck from losing our home people really give a *%$#@ ???????????? Well, not really, but since theres not alot else on at that time of day you will get alot of that crowd tuning in…

Oh, I must shamefully admit, I did watch part of the show today. You know what really got me. She, almost tearfully, said to the audience, ” You know, it dosn’t matter how many square feet you have, or how many cars you drive or how many knick knacks you have around the house, if you don’t have your health you have nothing….. “  Who is she kidding, she owns probably 10 homes all over the world and can have as many cars and as much stuff as she wants, so excuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssseeeeee me if my heart isnt bleeding for her….

I know this sounds petty on my part but if she really wants MY sympathy tell her to have her throat slit from side to side and then go on a liquid diet for a couple months , oh and by the way she cant talk…. that would give her ratings….

Sorry, didn’t mean to fall onto the Oprah-pity-train, but its fun once in awhile…. over it now….

Well, if you feel so inclined to improve yourself as much as Oprah tune in the rest of this week or tape it, if not go have 3 dozen wings a dozen beers and take a before and after picture and I bet you wont look any different in either one…..

What does BLOG mean? Blurting lengthy outrageous ramblings….

What does BLOG mean? Blurting lengthy outrageous ramblings….

I am at a loss of words, HA, that’s funny, sort of… I am sitting here watching Dr. Doolittle, which in my opinion is one of TV’s greats, I mean animals that can talk, I can so relate. I bet there is some interesting stuff being said around my house, I mean with 3 dogs and 3 cats this is a zoo…. When Jenna moved home she brought her two cats with her, unfortunately my cat can’t stand one of hers so he sort of ran away. He stays away for a couple days then shows up to eat. Sean figures feeding him canned salmon will make him like us, OH, he likes us alright for the whole 3 minutes it takes him to eat and then  its “adios you idiots”….. I took a test that was supposed to tell me my “real” age, and after answering 2 million stupid questions about my lifestyle and things like, do I really like my husband and kids, and come on, don’t lie, you know you smoke at least 5 packs a day and wash it down with a case of beer which naturally gives you constant diarrhea   and puts you under major stress not to mention deep depression…. And then there’s the climate you live in “downright depressing” It’s amazing you can function at all. But then (the survey concludes) you own a dog, and not just one !! My god this changes everything your real age just dropped from a 29 ( whoops, I keep forgetting ) I mean , a very young 48 to a youthful, vibrant 42 !!!!!!  Well , doesn’t that  just want to make me want to jump up and sing and yodel and scream out of sheer joy that I’m a wrinkly 42 instead of a pruneish , decreped 48…. Life is good….

I hear a lot of people saying they have to get there Christmas decorations down ASAP , these are the same goofballs who insist on slamming them up all over the place Thanksgiving or better yet sooner. They run around humming carols and wearing those stupid sweaters with santas and elves on them and make sure they let everyone know they baked cookies for every soldier in Iraq. These are the people who make “normal “ people dislike the holidays. It’s OVER KILL…..  if they enjoyed the holiday for what it’s supposed to be, I’ve almost forgot ,and didn’t make it into a who-can –spend-the –most-on –a lot-of –stuff I think it would be a lot more enjoyable. See, if you put your stuff out say a week and a half before and then waited a few days into the  year to take it down your stress level may just go down…  But then again, it is time to start decorating for Valentines isn’t it ? If you ever check out some calendars they have a name for almost every day, there is secretary day, grandmother and grandfather day  arbor day, go fly a kite day, drink an imported beer day, kiss a homeless person day, lick a frozen fence day, eat some road kill day, wear the same underwear as yesterday day, well I could go on and on but you get the idea, everyday is a special day for someone , somewhere, so make today your special day for something just for you.

Oh, sorry if I offended all the people who wear the decorative holiday sweaters, I’ll bet you got them from your Mother, or they were on sale after Christmas at a price you couldn’t  resist .

Well, I’m off to walk. Have a happy Saturday!

Julie

 

 

 

 

                                                                           

 

 

 

I just do what the voices inside my head tell me to do….

Well, as you  know I took a couple days of blogging off to hang around, be a sloth and do nada thing, there isn’t alot you can do when you look like you stepped off a crime scene of CSI. As a matter of fact Sean and I went to the mall because there was a one day shoe sale I just couldn’t miss… and I did have a big sweater on with a cover up for my “hole” and a scarf and a coat, but apparently things got messed up a little and Sean said to me, ( very nicely of course ) ” Ah, You may want to straighten yourself out when we get into the store, you stitches are showing and it may freak out some people, I could care less, but you know how these city folks can react to freaks…. ” ( just kidding …) and before I left the house I went to put on a baseball hat, and Jenna said , ” don’t wear a hat u look fine…” so, I didn’t.  Then as we were walking out the door,Sean said ” You might want to give your hair a quick brush,”   — the dark sunglasses did the trick….

I came across some things today to ponder so I’ll let you ponder them.

Who tastes dog food when it has a “new, improved ” flavor ?

Why isn’t there a mouse flavored cat food ?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections ?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes ?

If a pig loses it’s voice is it disgruntled ?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If you take an oriental person and spin him around several times , does he become disoriented ?

Ok, now this one will make you think…..  ” I am ” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ” I do ” is the longest sentence ? Think about it …

Now if you think some of the laws we have are abit wacky get these:

In Ohio it is against state law to get a fish drunk ( although I tend to think if you got a fish loaded you were probably quite a few sheets to the wind yourself…)

It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.

In Israel picking your nose on Sunday is forbidden.

In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including a policemans helmet….

Well, I think I have filled your heads with enough crap for today. Tomorrow, I may give you instructions on how to make jail house booze… check it out on Google there are pages of receipes, this computer world holds a wealth of information…..

Jenna insists you want to know how I am, I told her “I am fine” and she said, ” you are not fine,” Well , I disagree, I think all in all I’m doing really well, it helps having all of you calling and writing to me, I really appreciate it, and I dont think I would be doing nearly as well without all of you. I am looking forward to working with a speech therapist as soon as possible, because any one who knows me at all knows not talking is killin me, but, I have been wearing out alot of pencils and using alot of paper so anything i have to say dosn’t get left unsaid. I get the rest of my stitches out next week, so I will be able to eat more that just clear liquids, not sure what yet, but it cant be worse. Today I was dipping into the Blue Cheese dressing ( not allowed, but i like to live dangerously)

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year !!! It will be interesting to see how much has changed for me by next year.

Love Julie

My lips may be zipped but my head is a blabbering mess….

 

You know how everyone tells you ” If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all,” or, ” think about what you are going to say before you blurt it out…”  Well, since I no longer have this problem my brain is driving me crazy, I keep thinking of profound, OK, maybe not profound, but stuff to say and its stuck, aggggggh, I HAVE TO LISTEN TO MYSELF !!!!!   All of the time….. this is getting old, I’m even talking back to myself in my head. For example, I” think  ” is   anyone in the bathroom, i have to go”   then,  ” me back at myself,    ” God, you just went a half hour ago cant you wait, I mean a few more minutes isnt going to kill you…. “   ” Yeah, but if I wait my soap is starting in 5 minutes….”  OK, hurry it up, and grab a drink while your up…. “  Then theres the commercials on TV that I normally like to make comments about, I think one of the most disgusting sexist commercials on TV is the Arbys commercials. Let me set it up for you. There’s always a guy or guys watching as someone whether male or female ( usually male ) trotting by wolfing down an Arbys sandwich  and all of a sudden BOING  they get a little (excuse my vulgarness ) Arbys” hard- on ” that pops up above their heads, talk about SICK , who wrote this CRAP ????   What about the one where the guy is lying in bed and his wife comes in the bedroom dressed in an Arbys uniform with a tray full of Arbys food and she says ” you know I’m only doing this because its your birthday …. “  and he says ” WOW ” and up pops his little ARBY,   if you know what I mean….   What ever happened to The Burger King or Ronald McDonald nice clean inspirational figures for society…

My daughter just told me to talk about how I’m feeling today, I thought I just did. Well, I feel kinda like someone walking around with a head that was cut off and glued back on their shoulders. I walk like a weeble, my head tends to want to flop forwards, hopefully this is a temporary thing…   Yesterday I burped and Jenna was sure she heard a word.

The first day I got home we stopped at Publix to pick up a prescription for me. I asked Sean to go to  the pharmacy and I would kinda be hiding in the shadows so I wouldn’t be recognized, but soon as I set foot outside the car I heard “Julie !!! “  Oh, well, it was nice to see a good friend. The rest of the time I sat at the blood pressure machine and took my blood pressure 3 times until Sean was finished. My blood pressure is good by the  ….

Now I can’t even say to those operators that are supposed to help find you information but are located in India ” Do you even know how to speak any INGLEE  I want to speak to someone who can !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then they say ” I would like to help you varily, varily much could you repeeet you self ? OKee doe kee have a verily nice day…. bye, bye…

You know I was just wondering, I lost my voice last week when I was 29 ( OK maybe closer to 48 ) anyway the voice I remember of myself in my head is of me last week at this age. What if I had this happen when I was say 6, would I forever in my head sound to myself like I was six since that would have been that last sound I heard out of my mouth ? Or If I was a hillbilly or a redneck or a laugher and snorter would that be how I remembered my voice for eternity….. When I get older will my mind make my voice in my brain age or will I be “forever young ” ( GO ROD !!  ) FOREVER ?

well,TTFN , LATER GATORS

Julie wants to let her jabber jaws jaw…..

So, how many of you poor souls are watching the Buffalo, New England game and wondering, WHY???

A little while ago my Mother (who doesn’t give a crap about football) asked “So, do the Bills have a good chance of getting to the Super Bowl?” to which the whole room responded, NO…..

Well, Bills fans if nothing else are loyal. I remember the one and only time I went to a winter game to see them play in Buffalo, it was freaking cold. We tailed gated for at least three hours before the game warming our chilled bones with hot chocolate and schnapps and anything else that had at least 80 proof, had a couple venison burgers too I think, anyway by game time we were sufficiently “numb ” as to not feel the pain of the raging blizzard type conditions…..

Don’t quite remember the winner of the game but I made a lot of new friends in the stands, most which were carrying flasks, what a coincidence….. Now, you have to remember most of these friends are fleeting ,  as,in with any luck you will never run into them again. Unless, you are one of the less fortunate who find yourself sitting next to a season ticket holder who you will have to chat it up with at all the home games. Hopefully you havn’t made a complete ass of yourself but if so, just bring some treats to share at the next game and all shall probably be forgiven. Well, enough about football, the game is now over and it was 13 to 0 New England.

New topic, my youngest daughter, who is 21 just left for work. She works at the Hooters here. I’m sure most of you are familiar with the establishment. I myself  have eaten there many times but not with my daughter waiting on me. Now dont get me wrong, I was a waitress and bartender for many years and wore a variety of  ” uniforms ” Why, once my Grandfather said ” Julie, where are you going dressed up like the tooth fairy? “  I don’t know how many times he saw the tooth fairy but I dont think I was wearing what she would be wearing…… None the less, she was leaving to go and I asked if I could take a picture of her in her uniform. ( I cant believe she let me, she still thinks I’m very fragile or something, whatever, I got it and will post it at the end of the blog. I think she looks great, what cracks me and her up is in their employee handbook it says, quote, ” make-up is not optional,  Our LOOK is wholesome, yet sexy,  HA so thats what men like to call this look, kinda like Mary-Anne on Gilligans Island. Oh, she was wholesome all right, and the professor , Gilligan and the Skipper were blind…..  Ginger didn’t play the innocent game she came right out and said she thought she was hot, also all she had to wear were evening gowns. Didn’t it make you mad they kept screwing up not getting off the island with all the chances they had !!!  Oh, well, the Chippendale dancers are just wholesome yet sexy too. It can work both ways.

The handbook also says the uniform is athletic in nature, and by design. Yep , it allows them to sprint back and forth to the bar and look like an Olympic competitor.

Well, I did promise to start to explain what a Sloth is. Im a not a three-toed tree hanging sloth that hangs upside down and grows moss. I am a member of the Shelburne Chapter of International Sloths, although I dont know of any other chapters… Growing up in ” The Great White North ” otherwise known to most as Canada, I was raised in a small town called Shelburne where the most exciting thing that happens is there is a Fiddle Contest every summer. We didn’t have all the exciting things to do that other high school kids did, no proms, football  games etc. We mostly came up with our own shall we say imaginative fun. Well a group of my friends and I didn’t really fit into one of the ” categories ” of  most popular, cheerleader, athlete, brain or even “easy”. So we decided to start our own club, one where we were in charge and make the rules, hence, The Shelburne Chapter of the Sloth Club. We held functions where we selected the people who were allowed to crash the party and bring others.  We split up and infiltrated other groups where we got our toes in the door. This allowed us alot of freedom, no one quite knew where are loyalties were.  We turned down wannabes who before didn’t acknowledge us and proceeded to get into some inner circles. Bah ha ha  we  could be purely , well, not evil,  I dont think there is a word for it….. but life was defineitly fun. I will confer with some of my fellow Sloths to see what extent I can reveal to you about the ” Lives of Sloths ” We had a meeting in Toronto this past summer and we plan on hitting New York next year. So I leave you today, thinking, ” What the hell did she say a Sloth was….”

Over, later gators….. TTFN, Chow, adios……….

After thought. I wish I could have a Buffalo Wing right now !!!!! I will leave you with a photo from this morning. I am still a bit swollen but it is much improved (I looked like the Nutty Professor a few days ago.)

 

This is a photo of me this morning...

Julie is home !!!

Julie and Jager

Well, since this is my first blog and my first blog entry I shall start with my heading today. I recently had my voicebox removed due to cancer of my larnyx. It was stage 4 so they had no choice to remove it all. So needless to say I cant eat or talk and I have stitches from ear to ear. I feel pretty Oh so pretty…. any way after my lovely, lilting voice was ripped from me I am left with a hole ie: a Stoma,  in my throat, and it’s not goin anywhere. I have to learn how to speak again,but anyone who knows me at all knows I cannot be shut up for long…. If there’s a way I will and soon…..on the bright side of things I’m not dead…. and dont plan on it for a long time.!!! I really miss yelling at people and being nice too… I am very lucky I have had soooo many friends and family keeping in touch and praying for me along with all my family they have really made this much easier on me than it could have been. I still have to go  thorough radiation and chemo but not for about four weeks. Then I do it five days a week for four to six weeks, not looking forward to it but it will be one step closer to healing.

They have me on this crappy liquid diet, do you know how old that gets fast? Ensure for breakfast, orange juice apple juice grape juice V8 juice pineapple juice AGGGGGGh !!!!  I need substance…

It was very nice to be home for Chrismas, all my family are here and my Mom and Dad came up from Florida for a few days which has been great.

We have 3 cats and 3 dogs and I never realized how much of a huge fur ball they are after load after load of vaccuming every inch of this house, I think we could have knit a large blanket. Uck.

Now ,I have been asked why this blog is titled iamasloth well this in itself is a very long story, that needs some time to tell, so the next section of my blog will center around my tale of being a Sloth. I think you may find this facinating as well as amusing. I even crack myself up sometimes. My fellow Sloths would not be happy with me if I did not portray us in our true light, so I’ll leave it at that. Till next time, have  a chatty day for me and scream at something in my honor.